Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Discovering British Humour's Secret Serbian Twin

Ah, c'est la vie. It's been yet another month and I've been a negligent blogger.
Reasons why include:
- the lazy procrastination of June has been replaced with holding down three jobs.
- I went to explore Eastern Europe for a little while.
Ok, so only two reasons, but fairly good ones, I think.
Myself and fellow vintage shop assistant and blogger, Kirsty Golightly, went to Serbia for EXIT, possibly the best, if most unheard-of-by-chavvy-British-punters, festival on the continent. We stayed away from the 18-30 hub that was the campsite - plus we're small old women inside and couldn't face trying to get our 5 hours a night in a tent next to the dance arena - and shacked up instead in the University Halls of Novi Sad.

The tiniest stove known to man. Like we used it.

Along with our smack-smoking temporary flatmate, highlights of the misleadingly titled 'Hostel Bajic' (where they got that name from I've no idea) included a Jesse Metcalfe poster, circa 2001, a tiny miniature stove, and a hole in my mattress that was horribly reminiscent of a Vice article about masturbation. Oh, and that shower which used a translucent curtain to separate your naked body from the boys next door. The more I think about it, actually, the more it sounds like they just holed us up in a really bad porn set for the week...

Speaking of porn, one of our favourite Serbians described his style as '80s porn'. Always a good note to start off on after claiming not to speak English. After blagging press passes for the festival, we wandered around 'interviewing' cool looking people to get them to explain why Brits should come to Serbia for another project I'm working on. In reality, we were always quite pissed on cheap Serbian beer and the transcription's been atrocious.

Nicole. He came all the way from Belgrade ("only slightly less
shit that Novi Sad") for the Arctic Monkeys. That was probably a pisstake.

Anyway, Nicole, "as in Nicole Kidman", was an actual godsend. However, his anti nationalist stance somewhat ruined his use for Serbian propaganda, which means he makes it on here. After describing EXIT as "the shittest thing ever, which was made for Serbian students" and which British kids are "idiots" for attending, we got into the nitty gritty. Nicole told me to "fuck off" when I asked if he combed his moustache, as apparently the glean and neatness of it is due solely to "pussy juice". Reading this back, he sounds like a pompous twat - but just look at that face. Rather, he was the kind of guy that inexplicably gets a lot of girls because he charms them through abuse. Good work, Nicole!